Craziness!  This semester has taught me so much.  I know a little more definitely who I want to be.  Not in the terms of career or anything but where I stand.  I love xanga because I can return to thoughts I had a year ago, and see the difference in me now.  Some things I would want to delclare a "do over," but I really don't regret anything.  I have spent so many years living everyone else's dream, but I can now say my choices are my dreams.  Whether good or bad, they are mine.

So, this may be a really dumb decision, but I am going to say what I feel.  I hate using xanga to complain because I think people do it way too much for their own self pity, but today I join the club.  I am not denying that I have said my fair share about people.  Some of the people I am close to now, I have said many things I have regreted about them.  But I can't stand people telling me they do not have a problem with me and then I hear from other sources that they have been saying things all along.  If you ask what I say, I will tell you.  Do not take it from other people as to what I have said; ask me!  Maybe that person was correct, but you will never know if you don't confront the issue.  This really isn't directed at a particular person because it has alot to do with life in general, but it has presented itself alot lately. 

I don't know if it would work, but I want to just sit down with everybody and talk.  But I know that obviously doesn't work because people have tried.  If you aren't willing to talk, you probably are afraid of the guilt.  I am open to discuss anything because I feel my viewpoints are valid, but you might also have good arguments.  If that is the case, I have no problem in admitting I am wrong.  I still love all of my friends; I just don't understand why they have drifted and don't care.  It doesn' matter who is right and who is wrong. A true friend cares and is scared to lose you!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Umm...a little distracted!

I was thinking about him today when old habits started popping into my head again.  It is all so confusing.  I can't tell if I just fear it or if I truly want something different!